Twelve Ways to Make Yourself More Likable

Transcript of Podcast Episode 399

Hello, this is Bill Rainaldi, with another edition of Security Mutual’s SML Planning Minute. In today’s episode: twelve ways to make yourself more likable.

Today we’re going to depart from our normal format of discussing new financial ideas, the latest financial news, etc. Instead, let’s take a look at a few ways in which you can make yourself into a better communicator, and perhaps a more likable person. These concepts may not affect your financial life directly, but they might make you a more successful—and happier—individual.

For me, after decades of trial and tribulation, these concepts come straight from the heart. Here are a few suggestions that can help you thrive while staying true to yourself:

1. Look people in the eye. Fairly or unfairly, people may judge you when you don’t make eye contact. They could think you are being deceptive or lack confidence in what you are saying. Eye contact is one of the simplest and innate ways to help connect and build rapport with someone you are interacting with.

2. Restate. When you’re in a conversation, this is a great way to show someone that you hear and understand them. It’s also a chance to clear up any misconceptions or misunderstandings. Start by simply saying “if I understand you correctly” or “if I’m following you thoroughly,” and restating what you thought you heard them say.

3. Ask questions. People respond to genuine curiosity, even if the question is one that involves our last point, restating. Questioning can help drive a more thorough conversation and may assist in creating a deeper connection. It also keeps either one of you from falling into a bad habit that many of us have, and that’s a tendency to turn the conversation towards ourselves. And should they happen to tell you about some small detail in their life, say an upcoming trip or an unusual hobby, you can try to remember that and ask about it next time, which helps drive the new conversation.

4. Let the other person finish speaking before you respond. We’ve all met long-winded people. Simply put, don’t interrupt. So often, people are thinking about their next response—which they often interject with —instead of actually understanding and thinking about what the other person just said. This tends to happen more often virtually than in person, but it’s something to be aware of nonetheless.

5. Be reliable. Show up when you say you’re going to and follow up if you said you will. Treating people consistently helps earn their respect and contributes to a positive reputation.

6. Don’t expect perfection, either from yourself, or someone else. You’ll never get there, no matter how hard you try. Instead, shoot for the compounding effect of small steps of improvement. When it comes to dealing with others, expecting too much can lead to frustration and disappointment. Try focusing on things that you can control.

7. Put it on your calendar to follow up when someone is struggling. It’s not limited to just your good friends. If someone you know is going through an illness, a divorce, or some other major challenge, they would likely appreciate you keeping up with them. A simple text or phone call, at the right time, can really make a difference in someone’s life. It shows you care.

8. Avoid raising your voice. This is a tough one. Some people believe that a good way to keep your voice down is to use the “4 second rule.” If you get triggered by something somebody else says, wait four seconds before responding. That might be enough. Why pause for four seconds? Research indicates that it’s the cutoff point between awkward and non-awkward conversation.[1]

9. Avoid attacking others when they’re not around. When you speak ill of a third party, how is the person you’re talking to supposed to react? Many people, perhaps justifiably, might think “Does he say bad things about me when I’m not there?” In some ways, this is human nature. We all like to surmise, gossip and judge a bit. But giving it some thought before speaking may be to your advantage, whether now or in the future.

10. When someone attacks you, don’t defend yourself immediately. A simple inquiry, such as, “Tell me more about why you feel that way,” can work wonders. If you’re still angry after that, call a timeout. The same concept applies when it’s a text, phone call or email. A good practice is to let the first draft of an angry message sit there overnight before you send it. You might just feel differently or change your mind after sleeping on it.

11. Try really hard to remember someone’s name. Very often, when someone asks, “what’s your name again?” what they really mean is that they likely never learned it in the first place. It can be helpful to repeat the name back to them out loud as soon as you hear it.

    One technique I like to use is to try and associate that person’s name with someone else I already know well.

    Also, in a quiet moment later on, you might add a note on your smartphone noting person’s name for later reference.

    And that brings us to our last tip…

12. Use your cell phone discreetly. Try to stifle it when you’re talking to someone else. Especially when you’re meeting them for the first time. Cell phones are a part of everyone’s day. While there are exceptions, when speaking with someone, it’s best to have your cell phone out of the way (and not checking every text, email or call) so they feel you’re engaged in the conversation and putting them first.

One final thought. Many years ago, a wise man explained a difficult, but undeniable truth to me: no matter how nice of a person you are, not everyone is going to like you. It’s best not to dwell on why. Perhaps the best you can do is just be yourself. You want to be liked, of course. Everyone does. But the irony is that it doesn’t usually work if you try too hard.

[1] Murphy, Bill. “How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the 4-Second Rule to Become Exceptionally Persuasive.” Inc.com. https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/how-emotionally-intelligent-people-use-4-second-rule-to-become-exceptionally-persuasive.html (accessed August 27, 2026).

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