When Unmarried Couples Split Up

Transcript of Podcast Episode 392

Hello, this is Bill Rainaldi, with another edition of Security Mutual’s SML Planning Minute. In today’s episode: what happens when unmarried couples split up?

We’ve had a couple of episodes over the last few years talking about some of the financial complications that come with divorce. But what happens when an unmarried, but financially-linked, couple splits up? Sometimes it can be even more complicated and unpleasant than a divorce.

According to the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, the number of people living together without being legally married has grown to over 20 million, up from 14 million in 2019.[1] And while most people seem to make their best efforts, things don’t always work out. When things go downhill, it’s not just financial accounts that can get messy. It’s personal property, pets, and sometimes child custody or child support issues.

When couples get divorced, the rules are generally dictated by state law. This is not always true for a couple that has never legally married.[2] In most cases, there is no automatic legal framework. Without a clearly defined set of legislative principles, some people end up being treated more like roommates and less like spouses.

When you’re not legally married, there’s usually no formal process like there is with a divorce. And in most states, there is no spousal support such as alimony, although “palimony”—compensation paid by one member of an unmarried couple to the other after they separate—might be available if there’s “an express or implied contract.”[3]

Keep in mind that laws vary widely from state to state. If you’re going through something like this, you will likely need the help of a local family law attorney.

Financial considerations can become tricky when an unmarried couple splits up. For example, what happens when you buy a house together, but only one of you ends up on the deed? Despite any informal side agreements, the person whose name is on the deed is in a much stronger position. If both names are on the deed, the presumed split is generally 50-50.[4]

Conflict can also arise when one partner may have contributed more financially, such as with the down payment, or may have contributed more time and effort maintaining or fixing up the house. All of this may come up when the house is sold. Sometimes, rather than selling the house to a third party, the two parties will try to work out some sort of negotiated buyout, assuming one of the two wishes to stay.[5]

Personal property, such as furniture and sentimental items, can be another sticking point. One proactive financial strategy is to maintain the best records you can on who paid for what. It may come in handy if there’s a disagreement later.[6]

Some experts also suggest using what’s called a “cohabitation agreement.” A cohabitation agreement is a document, designed by an attorney, for unmarried couples who either live together or plan to do so. It generally covers things like property ownership, expense sharing, and rights to financial support from each other. It can be similar to a prenuptial agreement.[7]

A cohabitation agreement generally covers things like asset ownership, debt and bill payment responsibilities, and financial support. It could also cover pets, which can be an emotionally charged issue, as well as estate planning arrangements.[8]

What if you’re in what is known as a “common law marriage?” A common law marriage occurs when two people are considered legally married, even though they haven’t participated in a lawful marriage ceremony or gotten a marriage license. This generally occurs in certain states when a couple lives together for a specific period of time and holds themselves out as intending to be married, or as already married.[9] The rules vary considerably based on where you live, but in some states, a common law marriage can be subject to the same marriage and divorce laws as a regular married couple.

As with a divorce, things get much more complicated—and serious—when children are involved. Don’t assume that custody will automatically be 50/50. Parental rights are often decided separately from financial issues. And just like in a divorce, a court will tend to focus on the best interest of the child.[10]

Finally, experts recommend that when you actually do complete your breakup, make sure you cover all the bases. That means separating your accounts, changing passwords, and keeping everything documented.[11] It’s also important to review and manage beneficiaries that may have been designated when you were together.

The old adage is certainly true: love is blind. But when you build a financial life without marriage, while it may not sound romantic, it might be beneficial to treat things more like a business partnership, which in some ways it can be. A little more preparation and caution today could prevent a ton of headaches later.

No one really expects their new or current relationship to fail. When it does, the healing process is difficult enough. It’ll be worse if you don’t plan accordingly.

[1] Ebeling, Ashlea. “If You Think Divorce Is Messy, Try Splitting Up When You’re Not Married.” The Wall Street Journal. https://www.wsj.com/personal-finance/divorce-unmarried-cohabitation-laws-24057ac4?mod=author_content_page_1_pos_1 (accessed May 29, 2026).

[2] Id.

[3] Barrett, Stacy. “How to Divide Property When Unmarried Couples Break Up.” Nolo.com. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/living-together-book/chapter10-1.html (accessed May 29, 2026).

[4] Nolo.com. “Who Gets the House When an Unmarried Couple Splits Up?” Nolo.com. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/living-together-book/chapter10-7.html (accessed June 1, 2026).

[5] Id.

[6] Renier Hotopp Law Offices, LLC. “Getting Personal Belongings Back After Breakup or Divorce Wisconsin.” Therhlawoffice.com. https://therhlawoffice.com/getting-personal-belongings-back-after-breakup-or-divorce-wisconsin/ (accessed June 1, 2026).

[7] Froment, Liz. “What Is a Cohabitation Agreement, and Should You Have One?” Acg.aaa.com. https://www.acg.aaa.com/connect/blogs/5c/money/what-is-a-cohabitation-agreement (accessed June 1, 2026).

[8] Id.

[9] The People’s Law Library of Maryland. “Common Law Marriage.” Peoples-law.org. https://www.peoples-law.org/common-law-marriage (accessed June 1, 2026).

[10] Custody X Change Research Team. “Unmarried Parents and Child Custody.” Custodyxchange.com. https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/custody/family-members/unmarried-parents.php (accessed May 29, 2026).

[11] Reifman, Arkady. “Should I Change My Passwords When Going Through Divorce?” Resolvingdivorces.com . https://resolvingdivorces.com/should-i-change-my-passwords-when-going-through-divorce/ (accessed June 1, 2026).

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